This past week, I felt great.
I felt like I had been eating right and fueling my body. Staying active and enjoying some good after-school runs. Kicking some a$$ in my second week in the classroom.
I was feeling good. And, I was looking good. Not only did I love my cute teacher-clothes, my body was looking great in the mirror. A far too unfamiliar feeling for me.
But, on Thursday night, I met my mom for some dinner and shopping at the outlet malls that are almost directly between my new place and my hometown. That situation couldn't be more perfect, right? Definitely one of the perks.
I found 5 new pairs of teacher pants. Five. With a total under $100. Unheard of.
Much to my surprise though, they were a size up from last pants I bought. My heart sank a little. For someone with my history, that is a hard realization to come to.
So I had gained a little weight. Ok...
For curiosity's sake, when I got home that night, I weighed myself on my bathroom scale that had been sitting unused next to my toilet since I moved.
I could not believe my eyes.
According to that scale, I had gained 6 pounds since graduation in June.
What. The. @^(%$*# !?!?!?!
Yea, way more than I expected. Yes, to some, 6 pounds doesn't seem that bad. But to me, it's failure.
Needless to say I was upset, and I went to bed that night feeling just plain awful.
But, when I woke up in the morning, I caught my near-naked reflection in the mirror, and stopped. I looked damn good. My stomach is showing some muscle definition. I have a little booty back again (something I lost at my lower weight). I hadn't had a head rush in months. I can easily make it through 10 hour days in a swealtering classroom followed by a 3 mile run without being exhausted.
I looked healthy. I felt healthy. And, even though I know I still have a ways to go, I can say that I am healthy. Leaps and bounds from my lowest points.
So, I put my scale where it belongs. Under the sink, behind the trashcan, under the extra toilet paper.
Sure, there may be times when I need it, but I do NOT need its ugly little face taunting and tempting me every morning.
Going of the way I have been feeling... I'm look hot! No shame. I'm proud of this body, and I'm sticking with that momentum.
Here's to freedom from that number and to feeling/looking good, despite whatever the number on that stupid scale!
~ Rach
hi girl! I just found your blog :) If I were you, I'd throw away the scale. Seriously. Clearly you're not overweight and your health isn't in danger, so why is it exactly that you need to know how much you weigh? Six pounds is hardly a measurable amount, anyway. We fluctuate like crazy :) And if you did gain 6 pounds? I bet you look even better.
ReplyDeleteand I wouldn't pay too much attention to pant size, either. I know I hate shopping for pants because sizes vary so much even within the same store and that can trigger some old ED feelings.
Great thoughts! Thank you so much! I'm working on throwing it away. It's a tough one though.
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